It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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