How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
