i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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