i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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