Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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