last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
