if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
