I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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