you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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