coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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