Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
