Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
