y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
