Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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