Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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