I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
