I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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