Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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