i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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