Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
