Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
