You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
