Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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