You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
