When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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