; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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