it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize