THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
