So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
