i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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