Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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