It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize