her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
