Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
