Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I had to cum in my sink.
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