Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize