I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How external is "for external use only"?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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