God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
