Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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