sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
