You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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