so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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