I bet he comes in French.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
