How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
