Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
