I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
