i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize