if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
