shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and she was petting her beer can
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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