my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
