We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
