i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
