there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
