I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
