Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
