you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize