There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
