Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
