Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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