IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
