You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
