It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
