I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
