I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
