So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
smell my finger.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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