watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am available for nakedness
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
