Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
