Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
