got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
what day is it and did you see me today?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
