Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
